Pinal Dave posted a funny (in a serious way) blog post semi-related to SQL Server.
You can read the original post here, but I will make some comments in this blog post.
His main question is “Can I expect you to be different today?”
The answer is: YES, but in a very Baron Munchhausen’s way. Remember that time when the Baron got stuck in a swamp and started sinking? He was so desperate and didn’t know how to escape the situation, that he came up with the brilliant idea to catch himself by the hair and pull himself out of the swamp.
This story reminds me of how it feels to self-improve every day. Noone can help you, you have to pull yourself up and up.
Don’t mind me if I comment inline to each thought or idea.
- When airplane lands why everybody get up and try to rush out when their luggage may be coming after 20-30 minutes.
Technically because people do not like to be crammed in small spaces and there is a whole new airport to be explored outside. I am wondering, though, why people are not clapping anymore when the plain lands; they used to do that a while back.
- I do not like this question when asked to me – ‘SQL Server is not using optimal index which I just created – how can I force it?’ – I am not going elaborate this statement but you are allowed to in comment section.
When I get this question I usually answer “SQL Server is not using an optimal DBA, how can I force it?”
- Why some people wish Good Morning even when they meet us after 4 PM?
They live in a different timezone. When I moved to Europe, I lived in GMT-8 for about a year. 5pm local time was 8am in Cali, so the locals would get their ‘Good mornings’ around 5p.m.
- Can I optimize query so much that it gives me result before I execute it?
Yes you can. Just write OPTION (PREOPTIMIZE -10) after the where clause
- Is it corruption when some one does their personal household work at office?
No, as long as noone notices it.
- The lane in which I drive is always the slowest lane.
That is because you and 1000 other people are driving in it as well.
- Why waste time on correcting others when there are lots of improvement pending on ourselves.
It is always easier to correct others, because it bears less responsibility.
- If I have to get Tattoo which SQL Server Execution Plan symbol I should get?
Why chose one? Take the entire execution plan of the best query you have tuned.
- Why I reach office so early that coffee machine is yet running daily cleaning job?
Maybe you are getting there late, from the point of view of the people who just left for the day.
So, YES: expect me to be different today.